Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

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SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 119 for something she had failed to get around to. Her confidence was affected and her negative self-evaluation started to influence others. Perhaps she wasn’t as competent as they had thought she was? In one of our coaching sessions, Andrea achieved a breakthrough when I pointed out that she had apologized three times in 30 minutes. It was obvious she was overly critical of herself. She became painfully aware of how automatic this evaluation system was and, more importantly, recognized that it was quite possibly inaccurate. Andrea also became aware of how pervasive this pattern was in all of her interactions and that it undermined her leadership abilities as well. Andrea started out saying she was on her own case 80% of the time. Through talking about this pattern’s impact and building awareness, she was able to get it down to about 40%. It was important for Changing our self-evaluation greatly improves how confident we feel and allows us greater awareness of how we evaluate others. her to understand that she was not trying to eliminate Being on Her Case, but rather reframing it into Being on Her Side. With some real commitment and practice, she developed the ability to catch the pattern faster and redirect it from Being on Her Case to Being on Her Side. Andrea became more On Her Side and, as a result, was less demanding of her staff and more on their side as well. She even encouraged her staff to be more realistic about the amount of tasks they were handling and to cut back on their commitments. In order to help her track this pattern, in each successive meeting I would ask what percentage of the time she was Being on Her Case versus Being on Her Side. Changing our self-evaluation greatly improves how confident we feel and allows us greater awareness of how we evaluate others.
120 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE REDIRECTING QUESTIONS The best way to change from Being on Your Case to Being on Your Side is fi rst to notice how you behave and then turn the evaluation into a learning and action plan. Following are some examples of whipping statements and statements that will help you redirect yourself to Being on Your Side. “On Your Case” Whipping • How could I be so lame? • Don’t I know better than this? • I’m an idiot for doing this! • Why didn’t I start this sooner? • I could have done a much better job! • What is wrong with me? • I should have known better! “On Your Side” (Phrases That Redirect Your Habit) • Which parts of this performance went well? • What didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to? • What exactly didn’t work out here? • Which part is under my influence? • Is there anything I could have done differently? • What will I have to do to accept this performance and not beat myself up? • What can I learn from this performance? • What will I have to improve next time? • Is there any learning, training, or help I need to improve my performance? • What will be my next step? • How will I make sure I stay on track?
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PRAISE FOR LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL I
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“Leading with Emotional Intellige
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“Dr. Reldan Nadler has provided a
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LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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This book is dedicated to Martin S.
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CONTENTS PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IN
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CONTENTS xiii CHAPTER THREE: SELF-C
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CONTENTS xv Experiential Teambuildi
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CONTENTS xvii 3. White Space Issues
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PREFACE As a psychologist doing exe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Iwould like to firs
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INTRODUCTION WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIG
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INTRODUCTION 3 All of us have exper
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INTRODUCTION 5 LEADERS’ CONSEQUEN
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INTRODUCTION 7 Great leaders, like
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INTRODUCTION 9 ativity, and decisio
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INTRODUCTION 11 the Emotional Quoti
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INTRODUCTION 13 all point to the pa
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INTRODUCTION 15 ▲ What can I do a
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CHAPTER ONE ARE YOU A STAR PERFORME
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ARE YOU A STAR PERFORMER OR JUST AV
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CHAPTER FIVE DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOL
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DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOLS AND STRATEG
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CHAPTER SIX COMMUNICATION AND EMPAT
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COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND
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CHAPTER SEVEN THE GAME PLAN Great l
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THE GAME PLAN 305 • Key executive
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THE GAME PLAN 307 4. Success Rules:
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THE GAME PLAN 309 10. Focus on Stre
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THE GAME PLAN 311 5. What will keep
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THE GAME PLAN 313 MONTH: YEAR: WEEK
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NOTES INTRODUCTION 1. W. Bennis,
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NOTES 317 24. M. Buffett and D. Cla
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NOTES 319 86. M. Buckingham, The On
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NOTES 321 CHAPTER FOUR 1. H. A. Elf
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BIBLIOGRAPHY Alexander, J. “From
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 325 Everts, D. “Carl
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 327 Maslow, A. Toward
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The following
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 331 EQ Univers
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INDEX Accountability and consequenc
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INDEX 335 Derailers of Bill Clinton
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INDEX 337 Le Doux, Joseph, 86 Leade
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INDEX 339 eight strategies for, 92-
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Reldan S. Nadl
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HOW TO ENGAGE THE AUTHOR TO BRING E
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