Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

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SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 123 ARE ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS FAMILIAR? • Why am I always screwing up? • How come I’m not good enough? • How could I be so stupid? • Why didn’t I say something smart at the meeting? • When will I fi nally learn? The brain searches your history and comes up with pat answers such as: “I have always been a slow learner,” or “I am not as smart as others,” or “I am always making stupid mistakes,” or “I’ll never get ahead.” These programmed responses make you hang your head and lose confidence. It’s time to take control of the programming of negative self-talk. Let your brain search its fi les for a more positive, constructive, and useful answer. The questions and actions below can help you in this process. QUESTIONS AND ACTION APPLICATIONS • Be more aware of the questions you ask yourself. Write them down and collect them over a week. • Ask your questions out loud. Listen, and then evaluate what you are really asking your brain to search for. • Are your questions positive or negative? • What kind of answers are you getting? • Evaluate the biases in your questions. Are you leading the witness? Are you setting yourself up for failure? Would a judge allow your questions? • Are you using over-generalized words such as “always” and “never”? • Using the following five questions will consistently lead to better answers. Think of a situation for reflection. Now use the questions to generate positive confidence-building answers:
124 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE ▲ What can I learn here? ▲ How can I be more on my side? ▲ What do I feel good about here? ▲ How do I best deal with this situation? ▲ How do I bring all my resources to this issue? 3. BUSTING PERFECTION: CREATING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS Success-driven people always set goals for themselves, but often these goals set them up for failure or frustration. Why? Because the goals are unrealistic to start with and constitute a pattern that is a setup for failure. This can lead to Being on Your Case and becoming dissatisfied with performance. There are three key reasons for this pattern: • These expectations are made automatically without the benefit of critical thinking. • Once made, the expectations are no longer examined for their accuracy or realism. • These unrealistic expectations are adhered to as the Golden Rule and clung to tenaciously. Striving for perfection, a characteristic which once served as a standard for effort, quality, satisfaction, and acknowledgment, now operates as a carrier of the “more, better, faster” self-evaluation cycle. If left unexamined, perfection changes from a motivating driver to a relentless torturer. THE PERFECTION LOOP The Perfection Loop illustrates this now-familiar debilitating self-evaluation cycle (see Figure 3.1). How much does it reflect your behavior or the behavior of those around you?
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PRAISE FOR LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL I
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“Leading with Emotional Intellige
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“Dr. Reldan Nadler has provided a
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LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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This book is dedicated to Martin S.
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CONTENTS PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IN
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CONTENTS xiii CHAPTER THREE: SELF-C
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CONTENTS xv Experiential Teambuildi
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CONTENTS xvii 3. White Space Issues
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PREFACE As a psychologist doing exe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Iwould like to firs
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INTRODUCTION WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIG
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INTRODUCTION 3 All of us have exper
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INTRODUCTION 5 LEADERS’ CONSEQUEN
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INTRODUCTION 7 Great leaders, like
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INTRODUCTION 9 ativity, and decisio
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INTRODUCTION 11 the Emotional Quoti
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INTRODUCTION 13 all point to the pa
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INTRODUCTION 15 ▲ What can I do a
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CHAPTER ONE ARE YOU A STAR PERFORME
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ARE YOU A STAR PERFORMER OR JUST AV
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CHAPTER FIVE DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOL
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DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOLS AND STRATEG
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CHAPTER SIX COMMUNICATION AND EMPAT
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COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND
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CHAPTER SEVEN THE GAME PLAN Great l
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THE GAME PLAN 305 • Key executive
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THE GAME PLAN 307 4. Success Rules:
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THE GAME PLAN 309 10. Focus on Stre
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THE GAME PLAN 311 5. What will keep
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THE GAME PLAN 313 MONTH: YEAR: WEEK
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NOTES INTRODUCTION 1. W. Bennis,
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NOTES 317 24. M. Buffett and D. Cla
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NOTES 319 86. M. Buckingham, The On
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NOTES 321 CHAPTER FOUR 1. H. A. Elf
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BIBLIOGRAPHY Alexander, J. “From
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 325 Everts, D. “Carl
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 327 Maslow, A. Toward
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The following
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 331 EQ Univers
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INDEX Accountability and consequenc
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INDEX 335 Derailers of Bill Clinton
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INDEX 337 Le Doux, Joseph, 86 Leade
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INDEX 339 eight strategies for, 92-
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Reldan S. Nadl
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HOW TO ENGAGE THE AUTHOR TO BRING E
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