Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

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COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 265 abundance of nonstop thinking may be going through your mind: “What am I going to have for lunch? Why is this person taking so long to get to the point? Should I buy that new car or wait till the end of the year? I wonder who is going to fi ll the marketing role. What can I do to get out of here earlier to make my son’s game?” See if any of the following barriers to effective listening happen for you or your team. Check the ones that you or your team exhibit and start changing them today. SEVEN BARRIERS TO LISTENING Put a check next to the ones you use the most. REHEARSING A RESPONSE: All of your thoughts are on putting together a response to the questions that might come up. Or you are practicing how you are going to say your piece. FALSE REASSURANCES: You nod your head or say “Yeah,” while looking for that tiny opening when you can jump in and speak. CLICHÉS: You offer all kinds of clichés, such as “I’m with you” or “I totally understand,” when you really aren’t or don’t. MISDIRECTED QUESTIONS: You ask questions that divert or interrupt the person speaking and fail to really explore what the person is saying. NOT FOCUSING: You pay attention to something or someone just outside of the conversation, such as the person who just walked by the window or the sounds of conversation in the next room. DAYDREAMING: Your mind is elsewhere—on your next vacation, your next meal, or playing tennis on the weekend. SELECTIVE LISTENING: You only catch a few words and pretend to listen.
266 LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE LISTENING AND RAPPORT-BUILDING TIPS PSYCHOLOGICAL BREATH OF THE RELATIONSHIP Listening is to a relationship like breath is to the body. Without air we cannot survive. Think about a time you were holding your breath while under water. One minute can feel like an eternity. Remember how you forced yourself up to the surface and were gasping for air. If you are a leader and are not listening well to your people, they can suffocate in their feelings of insignificance. For you to establish a vital and thriving relationship, they must know you are listening to them. INCREASE THE “EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT” This metaphor was fi rst introduced in Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Each interaction with your people adds to the so-called mutual “emotional bank account” you have with them. By listening, acknowledging, asking for their ideas, supporting, and providing resources for them, you contribute to their account, maybe $50 at a time. You want the account to have $800-$1,000 or more and keep growing. There will be times when you want them to stay late or do something that you know they don’t want to do. Because you have built this emotional bank account, you now have the funds to withdraw, say, $150 or $200 and not go bankrupt. Your people will be willing to be there for you because of the strength of your relationship or emotional bank account. (The Debilitating Boss, on the other hand, is constantly withdrawing money and has bankrupt accounts.) PEOPLE TEND TO LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE LIKE THEM It is smart to have something besides work in common with each of your direct reports. For your team to feel connected with you, part of your conversations should be around what you have in common with them. For one person it may be family, for someone
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PRAISE FOR LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL I
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“Leading with Emotional Intellige
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“Dr. Reldan Nadler has provided a
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LEADING WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
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This book is dedicated to Martin S.
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CONTENTS PREFACE ACKNOWLEDGMENTS IN
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CONTENTS xiii CHAPTER THREE: SELF-C
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CONTENTS xv Experiential Teambuildi
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CONTENTS xvii 3. White Space Issues
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PREFACE As a psychologist doing exe
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS Iwould like to firs
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INTRODUCTION WHY EMOTIONAL INTELLIG
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INTRODUCTION 3 All of us have exper
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INTRODUCTION 5 LEADERS’ CONSEQUEN
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INTRODUCTION 7 Great leaders, like
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INTRODUCTION 9 ativity, and decisio
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INTRODUCTION 11 the Emotional Quoti
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INTRODUCTION 13 all point to the pa
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INTRODUCTION 15 ▲ What can I do a
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CHAPTER ONE ARE YOU A STAR PERFORME
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ARE YOU A STAR PERFORMER OR JUST AV
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CHAPTER TWO EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL
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EMOTIONAL SELF-CONTROL TOOLS AND ST
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CHAPTER THREE SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS
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SELF-CONFIDENCE TOOLS AND STRATEGIE
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CHAPTER FOUR TEAMWORK AND COLLABORA
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TEAMWORK AND COLLABORATION TOOLS AN
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CHAPTER FIVE DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOL
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DEVELOPING OTHERS TOOLS AND STRATEG
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NOTES INTRODUCTION 1. W. Bennis,
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NOTES 317 24. M. Buffett and D. Cla
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NOTES 319 86. M. Buckingham, The On
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NOTES 321 CHAPTER FOUR 1. H. A. Elf
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BIBLIOGRAPHY Alexander, J. “From
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 325 Everts, D. “Carl
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BIBLIOGRAPHY 327 Maslow, A. Toward
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES The following
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES 331 EQ Univers
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INDEX Accountability and consequenc
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INDEX 335 Derailers of Bill Clinton
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INDEX 337 Le Doux, Joseph, 86 Leade
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INDEX 339 eight strategies for, 92-
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR Dr. Reldan S. Nadl
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HOW TO ENGAGE THE AUTHOR TO BRING E
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