Leading with Emotional Intelligence: Hands-On ... - always yours

COMMUNICATION AND EMPATHY TOOLS AND STRATEGIES 267
else it might be a favorite sports team, cars, music, or travel. Find at
least one area of shared interest or passion outside of the workplace
to cultivate real rapport.
ATTENDING BEHAVIOR
I worked with an executive who listened intensely but always
exhibited a frown on his face. He also failed to physically acknowledge
who he was talking with by nodding his head or even raising his
eyebrows. When I was coaching him, I quickly noticed this intense
behavior, felt uncomfortable with his response to me, and talked to
him about it. It turned out that he was neither unhappy nor critical.
Unfortunately, when this executive paid deep attention to another
person he just frowned. He never realized that he appeared so offputting.
He was grateful for the blunt feedback and made it his primary
coaching goal to become more aware of his attending behavior
and change his expression when dealing with others.
For many years before the executive succeeded in changing his
attending behavior, most of his direct reports had misinterpreted
his expression. They dreaded having a meeting with him because,
under his cold glare and frown, they thought:
• “He doesn’t like me.”
• “He thinks I’m an idiot and not making any sense.”
• “He is mad at me for something I did.”
By making one simple micro-initiative, this executive allowed
his people to feel listened to and understood by him instead of
judged or criticized.
TO DEMONSTRATE GOOD LISTENING, YOU NEED TO
• Not talk. (This is not so obvious for some people.)
• Nod your head occasionally.