Nouvelles normalités Nouvelles pathologies Nouvelles ... - Psynem

6° 6éme Congresso Congrès Européen Europeo de di Psicopatologia Psychopathologie dell’Infanzia de l’Enfance e et dell’Adolescenza
de l’Adolescence
Nuove Nouvelles normalità normalités Nuove Nouvelles patologie pathologies Nuove pratiche Nouvelles pratiques
FRIDAY, May 6 POSTER SESSIONS
Poster session 6 Interventions in different situations.
Gli adolescenti problematici e la loro presa in carico
5 - ROAD MAP OF THE TASKS & CHALLENGES OF ADOLESCENCE: A FAMILY AFFAIR
Chantal Séjourné-Daitch Orange County Health Care Agency/ Children & Youth Services, (US)
the rules and challenge authority. Parents, who
appeared powerful, knowledgeable, and tall during
childhood, lose their stature as the adolescent
becomes often taller than at least one of
his parents, and sometimes taller than both parents.
In addition, with the cognitive maturation
and development of abstract thinking emerging
during adolescence the child may surpass his
parents’ intellectual abilities, particularly when
the parents have limited level of formal education.
Consequently, the adolescent is disillusioned
and often angry at the loss of his idealized
parental images. The perceived loss sets
in motion the grieving process, with its different
stages (shock, denial, anger, bargaining,
and depression). Concomitantly, parents who
until then enjoyed the enjoyed the idealization
from their children who saw them as gods, semi
gods, or heroes larger than reality, fall from their
pedestal, and have to face their children’s criticisms
and disappointment. Both parties, children
and parents alike, protect their vulnerability,
confusion, and hurt feeling behind a shell,
even an armor of feign indifference, aloofness,
and righteousness, comparable of the cocoon of
the chrysalides during its metamorphosis. The
grandiosity, arrogance, and sarcasm teenagers
often exhibit during adolescence are to hide
their vulnerability, and protect themselves from
the emergence of despair at the realization of
their lack of skills, their dependency upon their
providers “NO” No, short, simple, bur powerful
word, represents the hub through which the separation
individuation process is negotiated. “No,
I don’t look like you Mom!” “No, I am not like
you Dad!” “No, I won’t dress as you want me
to!” “No I am not you, mother, no, I am not you,
father, I am ME!” No, is also the word through
which parents negotiate their children’s adolescence.
No gives limits to the children who may
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feel angry, sometimes even hateful toward their
parents, but paradoxically feel reassured by predictability
of consistent limits. “No, you cannot
go out with your friend tonight!” “No, you cannot
have sex under my roof!” “No, you cannot
drink, use drugs at home!” “No, you cannot borrow
my car!” No, you cannot do as you wish,
bur as you need to!”. The separation individuation
process can proceed and get to completion-
when the parents are able to clearly say “NO” to
their children and have the courage to face their
children’s anger, resentment, hate and rejection.
- when parents are able to accept that “No” is
“No”- when parents value their role of educators
and guides - when parents have a strong emotional
support system - when parents can face
their negative feelings toward their children with
awareness, mindfulness, and acceptance.
FROM CONTRADICTION TO PARADOXE.
Adolescents are caught in a web of contradictions
they often are not aware of. They claim that
they can do it all and do not need anyone else,
but are unable to take care of their needs. They
state they don’t need their parents, but they are
terrified of loneliness. They reject their parents’
values but dread their parents’ rejection. Parents
facing their teenagers’ contradictions feel confused
and angry at the crazy making predicament
of “Damn if you do, and damn if you don’t.
“When parents can face consciously and with
awareness and mindfulness their contradictory
feelings, they are able to shift from the mutually
exclusive opposites, to the inseparable paradoxical
proposition, such as head and tail in a coin.
When parents have a good enough level of differentiation,
they are able to convey to their children
a caring “No”. indeed, when they can convey
to their children, “No, I won’t give you what
you want, but what you need, (but may not want)
because I love you, “they help they children face