sempozyum_bildiri_kitabi

fool.” 3 At that time it was very difficult for her to understand how can someone who looks after the
whole house could be stupid, but that was what everyone thought and her father was no different.
Among the Duggar families son preference is in the interest of the lineage, whose continuity
depends on sons alone. It is also in the interest of the household, for whom daughters are transitory
members. Similarly, a woman values her sons more than her daughters because the former will be
her major source of support. Indeed, a woman's position in her husband's home is not consolidated
unless she gives birth to at least one son. Birth of a son made her mother gain respect in the family
“I must have been about seven years old. My mother was a queen then‐ respected and feted.” 4 But
on the other hand when she delivered a baby girl her mother thought herself unlucky‐ everyone
called her bad‐luck. She refused to feed her. It was Sumantu and his wife who would soak some
cotton wool in milk to feed the infant, but she died: “Not a leaf was shed at her dying‐ everyone was
relieved.” 5
In a conservative patriarchal setting the women of the house did not take part in decision making.
As a result when Padma Sachdeva lost her father no one in the family knew how much her father had
left for them to live comfortably. At a very early age this question regarding women’s emancipation
through education haunted Padma’s Sachdeva mind. The failure of her marriage with the man whom
she loved and revered strengthened her belief that for a woman to gain independence from social
bondage, she must first break any relationship with these beautiful conventions. For Padma
Sachdevait was difficult to imagine that whenever there was division of families or nations, or
empires, it was always the women who were humiliated. Even on the roadside one could hear men
who always singled out mother and sisters for their abusive barbs. This pain of realization of
woman’s helplessness ran like a parallel stream in her consciousness. The first time Padma Sachdeva
felt confident for her family was when her younger brother addressed her as Padma Bai, she almost
felt on equal terms with Lakshmi Bai (The Queen). The rebellion was seen for the first time when she
told her uncle in a loud voice, “Your batloi is broken; if you take out four annas[coins] blacksmith will
repair it. But what about me? If I had broken my face, who would have married me!” 6
Writing gave vent to Padma Sachdeva deep, hidden expressions. Some lines of Hindi poetry
begin to nudge her heart and she could formulate in that darkness what one may never be able to do
in the day. The lecherous glances of men frustrated her. She became conscious of her growing up.
When a girl grows up without her father being around everyone notices her! Those times were really
strange. One was so scared of boys. It was her Bua (Aunt) who always used to say, “Oh young girl,
you should never look at the boys.” 7 Men do not hesitate to cast evil glances on a young girl growing
up without the protection of her father.
After marriage Padma Sachdeva saw the true face of her in‐laws during her illness. They were
unwilling to spend money on her treatment. They looked forward to her death, so that their son
could remarry. She spent three years in the hospital and finally recovered. After all the agonies she
still had the desire to live. At a young age, she had already seen so much and learnt the truth about
life. Her heart had become like a sieve, but she wanted to strain the truth from the lies from this very
sieve. She had not achieved anything yet; not even had a house of her own. She had not even
experienced living, not touched the earth even. How could she die! Actually, even though
tuberculosis was not incurable, it was so infectious that nobody would go near the one who was
suffering from it. If any girl got infected she would be left to die in torment because nobody would
wish to marry her. In this hour of crisis Padma Sachdeva expected her husband to stand by her and
show his love and concern. But nothing as such happened. However, she put her feelings into words
through the medium of poetry and acquired the reputation of being a poet and one day she got a call
from radio to recite her poems. She got twenty rupees! The heavens seemed to explode. Twenty
rupees meant a lot in 1954. After that there was no looking back. Her economic status improved and
a great change was witnessed in her life. The economic condition of womenplays an important role in
the articulation of women’s identity as rightly remarked by Virginia Woolf “a woman must have a
room of her own if she is to write fiction." 8 This gave her more confidence to move out into the world
of literature and through literature into the world of fame. People recognized her not as the girl from
a small town but as a poet of great repute. Dr Mirza helped her to get the poems published. In the